Why men need to emancipate inwards
An interview series with Gender and Diversity experts across sectors in Switzerland. How do they relate to their own gender? What are the current challenges and opportunities they see and what inspires them? The aim of this series is to bring awareness to gender and diversity work and inspire further action towards creating inclusive workplaces in Switzerland.
Our second interviewee, Gilles Crettenand, is based in Sion and tells us what gender equality work looks like from the angle of men working amongst men.
Gilles Crettenand, Coordinator of the Swiss MenCare program in the french part of Switzerland. MenCare Switzerland is a national programme run by maenner.ch for the promotion of fathers' involvement and men's participation and responsibility in inner and outer care. The organisation formulates and represents the concerns, potential and vulnerabilities of boys, men and fathers in Switzerland. Their vision is a society in which men take responsibility for children, relationships and themselves as a matter of course - a society in which male care has made a decisive contribution to achieving fair gender relations and social justice.
“The same way as women in the Occident are emancipating outwards, men need to emancipate inwards. This is our new challenge and it requires courage.”
- Gilles Crettenant
How does your own gender affect your work?
It's a big advantage, of course, to be a man in our society. Unfortunately it is easier to be a man to speak to another man about gender equality. Otherwise the topic is easily being perceived as a women’s rights issue. At the same time it is true that women are more keen to change things because they have experienced discrimination. So they are faster in making changes happen in companies.
I think it is important to be able to choose the angle of discussion carefully. Otherwise the conversations can become quickly confrontational. If male managers don't feel comfortable with the way equality questions are treated in their company, they will feel bad and aggressed when the issue is brought up.
For example, often when we approach companies with an offer of a training course for fathers, we can sense tension in the air. Managers that don’t have anything in place to support women (e.g. equal pay strategy, career promotion) feel it is too risky to offer something for men. They are afraid that this brings into light issues with which female employees are not happy about in the current status quo. In these cases we make a double offer with a partner: a program for reintegration for women after maternity leave and a program for men regarding fatherhood.
In our work with corporates we speak about fluidity and agile management styles because the issue of part-time work is often still a taboo for men even though it would be one way to increase gender equality.
What are your biggest challenges in this work?
First of all, it is difficult for the patriarchal system to hear and recognize that men need to work amongst themselves to achieve gender equality. It is thus my biggest challenge to make it recognized as an important aspect for achieving a more equal society. Currently there is practically no funding for our kind of work in Switzerland.
Secondly, we men need to create new forms of masculinities. Then there is no need to live in constant fear of loss of identity when expanding the traditional male role. There are as many masculinities as there are people identifying themselves as “men”. Men have a big pressure to perform the idealized male role. We are often in tension between two opposite directions: showing virility, power and strength outside and wanting to develop other human qualities such as listening, emotional intelligence and empathy on the inside.
We advocate for “transformative gender equality”. This means that I am working on my own transformation, I am researching and looking at my own vulnerabilities and doing something in order to transform myself. Once I am well in my body and heart, I can be open to others, too.
The same way as women in the Occident have been emancipating outwards, we, men, need to emancipate inwards. This is our new challenge and it requires courage. Men need to learn to identify and express their feelings. This is of course important for all human beings but a crucial aspect that is currently lacking especially in their upbringing and education of boys and men. I want men to be able to embrace their emotional and heart dimension. Concretely this means learning to speak from the “I”, get comfortable with saying things like “I am touched…”, I feel this way…”. As men are educated to not do so, those feelings stay trapped in the body and create unhealthy consequences.
What inspires and motivates you to do this work?
The personal spark to work in this field came from a hard experience when I was 50. As I was on the verge of slipping into my second burnout, I understood that I had not learned what I needed to learn from the first one. I took a real timeout in my life to reflect on the origin of my problems. I finally realized that I had never really lived true to my values. Several of my career choices had been the result of following and performing in accordance with social norms and expectations that were projected to me because I am a white male. People perceived me to be strong, self-confident and thus a “good manager”. I played along and reinforced this image of me even though that was different from what was inside of my heart and soul. It was a real revelation for me that there was a big gap between the image I gave and how and who I felt I was on the inside.
I started to follow my own values and convictions regarding what kind of society I want to create. I think that men need to evolve and have confidence in themselves to develop their care abilities which have only been associated with and forced on women so far. For example, for 20 years I said I wanted to do 80% but I never actually did it. I always found an excuse because I repeated and lived the stereotype about the male provider. Now I want to help other men to become conscious of this as early as possible. Certainly earlier than when they are 50 years old!
If you could change one aspect in the gender equality and inclusion field, what would it be?
I would assign several months of parental leave for both men and women. For example, a compulsory 50-50 model between mother and father. Without this we are, on one hand, too likely to fall back into the stereotypical gender roles: men going easier and faster back to work than women.
What new possibilities do you see around you and would like to give more space to?
When working with companies I see a lot of potential in fluid and agile organizational models and ways of management. Swiss companies still tend to believe that the pyramidal organisational model is the only one. But this old hierarchical and rather controlling system is outdated. Our times demand fluidity everywhere. Efficiency would increase and allow for creative solutions like job sharing, part time work, and flat structures. The holacracy model would be a great alternative.
I also want to give more attention to the new generation of fathers that have a need to be heard and understood in their wish to take a more active part in upbringing and caring for their children. Paternity is a crucial moment to reach men because they are perhaps for the first time in their lives discovering what responsibility really means: responsibility of another human being. Fatherhood, a source of stress and fear as well as immense joy, is a great opportunity for transformation.
What does inclusion mean to you?
For me inclusion takes place when neither the biological sex nor gender have influence on career choices, career success or social conditions. The same applies for other discriminatory factors such as skin colour, origin etc.
How do you embody inclusion in your everyday life?
I have finally started working 80%. At home, I also do much more housework than before. For a few years now I have been doing most of our administrative work, for example. I am consciously compensating for all the years my wife was almost alone bearing the responsibility of the domestic work and family issues.
In conversations with people I try to share the idea that a lot of behaviours women see in men are a result of socialization and education rather than a reflection of their inherent values.
In conversations with men it is my contribution to help them understand the mental charge of women and to help them get in contact with their emotional side. You don't need to play the role of a stereotypical man if it does not align with your values. This way you gain more freedom and are not just being passively forced to do something because “it is like that”. But I always do this with a lot of respect for what men are living and the realities they face. The force of society's norms and consequent socialization are strong. New masculinities have to include the vulnerability of a human being. Then you become stronger and you know better who you are and where you want to go in your life.
Interview conducted by Anna Krebs
Enabling ripples of positive change - Catalyst for SDG 5, facilitator and change-agent